I’m into the Older Model

Even since I can remember, I have always gravitated towards people who are older than me— in friendships and relationships.

In fact, all my long term relationships, he was at least eight years older than me. It wasn’t something I intentionally sought out. It always seemed to happen that way, and most of the time, it wasn’t a problem. When you have a connection with someone it doesn’t matter what their age is. But…that doesn’t mean it won’t come with a fair share of bumps along the way.

The older men get, the more stuck in there ways they are.

“Don’t expect them to change who they are or how they do things. They have spent the last 30+ years forming those habits and won’t let someone come in and force them to change who they are.”

You can make suggestions or compromise but you can’t change who they are at the core. You can’t make them clean the dishes, you can’t make them want to watch an episode of “Girls” with you, and you most certainly can’t make them call you. They will do all these things in their own time, and in their own way. And if they really do care about you, they will want to do these things because…THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY! A guy who is really into you will make the necessary adjustments to make you happy. But… you also need to pick your battles— dishes vs. watch the episode of “Girls.” (I’d pick watch the episode, but that is just me.)

The generational gap will rear its ugly head at some point.

Like in any relationship, you have to learn who a person is and what makes them tick. When dating someone older, you will start to find that they are built a little differently than you are. And some of that might be because you were born in two different generations. For example, my generation has turned a phone into a play thing that seemingly has our who life wrapped up in it. His generation will not engage in a conversation via text and will actually call you to make plans. He might play a game or two on it, but most of the time he is checking it to see what time a particular game starts or if his alarm is set. He isn’t checking to see if you read his text or if you have been on Facebook today. Accept his real life face instead of FaceTime, and don’t expect a “Good Morning beautiful” text every morning. Chances are, he can’t stop thinking about you but wants to tell you in person, while kissing you—and uncorking your favorite bottle of wine—rather than in a text message.

There is no need for jealousy because he doesn’t have time for drama.

Being single in your late 20s has given anyone their fare share of battle wounds and dramatic memories to go with them. You know, the detective work you did tracking him on Facebook, the evil stare you gave his phone when a private text message pops up. Yep, those memories.

If you haven’t been there or on the receiving end of it, consider yourself lucky. But the majority of us have. That scenario you build in your head after getting that girly spidey sense—he must be cheating on you, playing you for a fool, or pretending he is asleep when really he is on a drinker bender with his friends. It is hard to admit, but all of that somehow carries into our next relationship in some form or another. Older guys can sum this up in six words. THEY. HAVE. NO. TIME. FOR. THIS. Just like you, they have been there done that. The last thing they need is to relive their 20s in their late 30s. So if he isn’t texting you for a day or two but has gone above and beyond to make you happy, stop over analyzing it! He, like you, has a life and may not want to delve into a text relationship with you. He wants a real relationship with you. The kind of relationship where he cooks you dinner without you having to ask, or makes a point to kiss you the moment he sees you—no matter who is around. The kind of relationship where you can literally spend the whole day in bed watching the most ridiculous shows you never thought you would watch. NEWS FLASH: the kind of relationship with no drama = a grown up, adult relationship. (Yes, those actually exist.)

So take his word for it, because he is telling you the truth, and sometimes you may not like what you hear. But for me, I would rather a solid, slow paced relationship with honesty, trust, and insane laughter at those ridiculous shows than a relationship based off of how many selfies you text each other or how many lies I pretend you didn’t tell.