I Pleasure Myself So Well That My Boyfriend Can't Do It Anymore

There really is no word, or words, to describe an orgasm. Saying the word doesn’t give it the proper credit it deserves. Ask anyone to describe it, and the look they give before speaking will say more than the actual description.

Orgasm: the single word that makes me stop, sigh, and instantly bring a state of euphoria. No one told me in my 20s that they may be harder and harder to find in my 30s. It used to just happen without a lot of effort, or fore play for that matter. Now, I feel like I have to go into a sexual mediation just to have sex with my partner. Don’t get me wrong– I love my boyfriend, but sometimes it’s hard to get the same pleasure during sex that I get when I pleasure myself. Here’s why:

Masturbation: the one word that still makes some people squirm.

" There’s something about the word “masturbation” that rubs people the wrong way (pun intended)."

In the past, society made women think masturbation wasn’t an acceptable thing for women to do. It somehow made a woman look too carnal or undesirable. I used to think that. The thought of touching my body in that way made me blush and make me nervous. Now, it’s my saving grace. Not only does it benefit my well being, but the well being of my relationship. It doesn’t make me dependent on my boyfriend for something I can do myself.

It’s healthy. Right? It doesn’t just come in handy when my boyfriend isn’t around, it benefits my health too. It helps with my anxiety, my mood, and helps me get more comfortable with my body. Let’s face it, masturbated can be a little weird and uncomfortable at times. At first, I was too caught up in my head to really enjoy what was happening– touching my body in a way that another person would. Now, I feel almost too comfortable. I’m so in tune to my body and what feels good that I’ve become an expert. Some might say “How is that a bad thing?” I’m just afraid I’ll only want an orgasm that way forever, since that’s how I get it when I’m alone.

I’m horny all the time.

"A high sex drive has changed my life. I feel more energized and desirable. I’m hornier than I have ever been in my life."

I want to have sex ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it’s all I can think about– having it, when I can have it, and how many times I can have it. And since I obviously can’t have it all the time, I masturbate more frequently than I used to, which I think is a good thing. However, it makes things a little complicated.

Age does matter. Women aren’t lying when they say that sex gets better in your 30s. My body feels different and I think differently about sex. In my 20s, it was just an act–the novelty of just having sex and who I’m having sex with. Not so much about pleasuring myself or getting pleasured. In my 30s, it’s been all about the self-pleasure– with or without a man. =The downside to that is when men get older, they have a harder time achieving an orgasm. Which in turn, causes more and more women to masturbate more often. Some would say “Why don’t I tell my partner what to do?” But how do I do that, when it happens more than once? I still want us to have an attraction to each other, and I don’t want to kill the chemistry with an anatomy lesson before sex.

I don’t want to come off like an instructor.

It’s awkward telling my boyfriend I didn’t have an orgasm. I’ve always been a people please-r, which makes me a worrier by osmosis. So I always worry about him and pleasuring him before me. Especially because I know my expectations might be high. That doesn’t really work with men. They are kind of out of the game once they’ve came. (HA- totally didn’t mean for that to rhyme but it did.) There’s nothing like an orgasm through masturbation. Yes, I can’t compare it to a vaginal orgasm because they are two completely different feelings. But sometimes I want both.

Masturbation isn’t always a good thing.

There’s nothing better than knowing I can pleasure myself without a man. I’m not going to lie, it took a minute to get comfortable with my body and find what feels right. And, well, practice makes perfect. Now I know exactly how to do it, when to do it, and how to achieve the ultimate orgasm. But it comes with a price. Sex with my boyfriend is great, but foreplay doesn’t always happen and there isn’t the same finesse or touch that happens when masturbating. So it’s harder for him to give me an orgasm. I want him to be as in tune with my body as I am, but I don’t want to force something that comes so naturally when I’m alone.

Time makes the vagina grow fonder.

I’ve heard of the heart going fonder, but the vagina is a whole other story. A high sex drive, missing him, and being insanely attracted to him are a bad combination when he isn’t around. Sometimes I go a few days without seeing my boyfriend, When that happens, I miss him–more than the average person. Of course my heart misses him, but my “lady parts” start to ache for him. So what do I do to relieve the ache? I masturbate. This happens more times than I can count. Which brought me here–writing this article–and thinking “Is masturbating ruining my sex life in my relationship?

Hi, my name is Anjelica and I’m an orgasm addict.

With anything, everything should be in moderation. Even though sex would be great everyday (all day) it can become an addiction. I might be addicted to orgasms. There has to be a healthy balance. The pleasure from masturbating and the pleasure from sex are completely different, and that’s by design. There’s nothing like a body being on top of me and having that physical connection with another person. All my senses, nerves, and connections are focused on one person. That moment is amazing. Though I may love pleasuring myself and the confidence it gives me, I’ll take sex with someone I love over it any day of the week.